A Prayer for Omen Meaney

A woman in England due to give birth on June 6 is trying to persuade her hospital to induce her sooner to avoid delivering on the demonic date of 6/6/6 reports UPI.

She apparently buys this whole omen-06/06/06-demonic-child-mark-of-the-beast-thing.

I hate to jump to conclusions, but I must agree.

This duckling is most certainly marked for life - before she is even hatched!

No, not with the mark of the beast. Worse. The mark of one crazy mother.

The Man in the Duck Mask

In the June 2006 Capitol Crowd update, Ms. Hadley has a good piece written up about Who the heck is "John Cornyn's Box Turtle?"

He writes for the blog In the Pink Texas, and the real JCBT is Capitol Crowd's "Person of the Week." (I think Sheila is totally in love with him.)

Then Ms. Hadley further says, "Now if only Lobby Duck would let us unmask him..."

Well, Ms. Hadley, for now, this is the best we can do. But, if we at Lobby Duck decided to be unmasked, you'll be the first to know.

Meet the Bloggers

Over the long weekend, I decided to recruit a couple more guest duck bloggers. I'm tired of working so hard, get it? Meet the new bloggers: Dumb Ass Duck and Hippie Duck.

Anyway, my brother, Dumb Ass Duck, has been after me to let him post to my blog. I finally relented, to keep peace in the family. (Read, my mom ask me for a favor.) He still lives in the old home town of Lubbock. He actually still lives with Mom and Dad (embarrassing at his age, I know) and he's still trying to get his degree. I think he must be on the 10-year plan or something. He's a real West Texan. It's not a meal without a big hunk of beef. He thinks ketchup is a vegetable. He loves his cowboy boots. And, of course, he's a conservative.

Next, is Hippie Duck. She lives in Central Austin. And by that I don't just mean that her address is in Central Austin. I mean, she is Central Austin. Everything you'd expect from a duck living in the central part of our fair city. Well-educated. Birkenstocks. Liberal. Tree-hugger. Vegan.

By now, you should be getting the picture. Yin and yang. Night and day. Red and blue. Right wing and left wing.

Have a Happy and Safe Memorial Day

We here at Lobby Duck are taking a well-deserved break. See you Tuesday!

Now I Lay Me Down

Yesterday, Ken Lay, former Enron chief executive, was found guilty on six counts of fraud and conspiracy and four counts of bank fraud. Seems he'll go to the big house for a looooong time.

Mr. Lay said, "I firmly believe I'm innocent of the charges against me. We believe that God in fact is in control and indeed he does work all things for good for those who love the Lord."

Now I lay me down to nap,
I pray the Lord "What a bum rap!"
Now that I must go to prison for real,
I pray the Lord will grant my appeal.

Whatever, dude.

Another Singular Disappointment

Okay. What's with the cell phone company anyway?

We here at Lobby Duck seem to be having bad luck with our cell phone providers this month. Read about LD's bad experience.

Now, read about mine.

I get my bill this week. I mean, I literally receive my bill this week. A paper copy. In the mail. Understand, I've been getting electronic bills forEVER and haven't done a thing to change it. Just how many trees can we kill here?

Not so bad you say. Well, try this on for size.

I'm eligible for a discount on my bill. Which I've been getting FOREVER. But not this time. I think they must have thought I wouldn't notice the $10 increase.

So, I call customer service. And, I wait on hold. You know the drill, I'm sure.

"We are experiencing a larger than normal call volume. Please stay on the line. A customer service representative will be with you shortly." At this point, I think "shortly" means "when we get finished talking to our boyfriend on our cell phone."

Finally. A real-live-customer-service person. She doesn't know why I got the paper bill. She doesn't know why I care one way or the other. She doesn't know why I didn't get the discount. She doesn't care one way or the other.

She says that maybe there was a "glitch" in the system because that happens sometimes. Billing is complicated, you know. This happens now and then. I just need to call "to remind them" and they'll put that discount back on my bill.

Okay, I must confess. I have what I call "the b*tch switch." And this nonsense totally flipped that switch into the "on" position. I tell her that this is a "bait and switch." I think they thought I wouldn't notice the elimination of the discount and I'd just pay the higher bill. And they be that much ahead. No patient-duck-thing from me.

A "glitch"? I don't believe it for a minute. A singular disappointment.

Bird Flu Fever...or We're All Gonna Die

Here's a happy Thursday thought.

A family of seven in Indonesia (how come so much bad stuff happens to the Indonesians?) has died of the Avian Flu. Doctors can't confirm that any of them had any contact with birds although CNN's is reporting this morning that at least one was hanging out with a feathered friend prior to his death.

And the kicker is the family may have contracted the AvFlu from each other, meaning it's MUTATED, folks. Human to human, baby.

If you're a religious freak, this is where you insert your "second coming" comments or for those who are fans of those silly programs on the Discovery Channel, this is when you reference Nostradamus. My friend tells me the Mayans didn't predict the end of the world until about 2012, so we've got six more years to come up with a school finance plan.

Oh wait, they already did that--I'm still in shock.

At any rate, another friend is telling me we should form a "contingency" plan and stock up on tuna, Vienna sausages, powdered milk and firearms. We're supposed to meet in Dallas, hole up for a month and hope that the world exists when we come out (isn't that what they already do every day in Dallas?).

Vienna Sausages?

I'd rather make out with an AvFlu-positive duck.

-BD

The World's Tallest 12-Year-Old

The other day, I was walking through the Capitol grounds when I run into a legislator and this kid sitting on a park bench. I think how nice it is that his son is able to see his dad in action up at the Capitol.

So, of course, I stop by to chat. And, I'm thinking how cool am I because I know this legislator has a 12-or-13-year-old son. I go up to them, "Mr. Legislator, Lobby Duck. Good to see you again. And, this must be your son..."

Well, they both look at me kinda funny and get up off the park bench. And, I swear, when this kid gets up off of the bench I can't believe it! He must be at least 6 feet tall. He is the tallest 12-year-old I've ever seen. And, like, the world's tallest 12-year-old even.

We stand there for a few moments awkward like, when finally Mr. Legislator says, "L.D., he isn't my son. I thought you'd met my staffer - he's been with my office for several months now."

Of course. This staffer could not possibly be a 12-year-old. Am I ever totally embarrassed. My bad.

But, that's not the worst of it. If I think a twenty-something staffer looks twelve, I must be getting old.

A Rubber Duck to Toy With?

I've been thinking about this "Lobby Duck Challenge" that Capitol Annex has proposed. I really appreciate the attention and all. But, who does he think I am, a rubber duck to toy with? I've got lobbying business to take care of. Clients that need my services. I mean, do I look like a duck that has time to chase all over the Capitol taking photos?

Then, my brother, Dumb Ass Duck, called to tell me he'd read this challenge. I started in with my, "Who does this guy think I am..." When Dumb Ass Duck interrupted me, "Dude, like, lighten up a little. Would you? This is totally hysterical. You'd think this guy had never seen a rubber duck outside his own bathtub."

Dumb Ass Duck reminded me of our trip up to the Capitol last summer. That's when he dared me to jump in the fountain, and of course, I did. So, I offer this photo to Captiol Annex. But, it is so last year.

And, I promised my brother that I'd chill and consider the rest of the challenge. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself, ya know what I mean?

What Would Jesus Do?

I know, bringing up religion is always a risky business. But, so is bringing up politics, and we do that all the time around here on this blog. So here goes...

Unless you've had your head under your wing, you know that the movie The Da Vinci Code opened this past weekend.

I am astonished at the furor this movie has unleashed. Now I must confess, I haven't seen it. (Maybe when it goes to video or runs on HBO. Maybe.) But, I did read the book. Seriously, this was one of the worst written books I have read. Seriously. Now, don't get me wrong. It did have a few interesting ideas and was a pretty good way to spend a cold, rainy Saturday afternoon. Well, okay, a cold, rainy Saturday couple of hours.

But, seriously. How could anybody take this work of FICTION, book OR movie, seriously? It's just a bunch of ideas strung together to, HELLO, make money for the author. Just like any other work of fiction. Do you people believe everything you read? Seriously.

I saw where people have gone to the trouble of protesting the opening of this movie. They actually walked up and down the front of the movie theater carrying protest signs.

My question: Don't these people have anything better to do? I mean, really, what would Jesus do? Would he even care about this book or movie? And, if he did, do you think he'd spend his time out front of a movie theater carrying a protest sign?

WWJD?

Note fromL.D.: If you are offended by this post, please note that it was Sheila who wrote it. Not ole L.D. I guess this is the risk you take when you have guest-duck bloggers.

When It's Over

What do we all do with ourselves now that session is over?

I think I'm having separation anxiety.

After all, you do it for so long it becomes second nature. You anticipate its every need. You plan your life around it. You make it your priority. Even when it was bad it was so, so good.

But one day, it ends.

And, sometimes a duck's just gotta walk away.

One thing you can count on, though; there will always be another one-just around the corner.

-LD

Thanks to "A Capitol Blog"

I just noticed that A Capitol Blog has put up a link to us here at Lobby Duck. Thanks, and we'll return the favor!

Dixie Chicken

Where is L.D., you ask?

I ask, where are those guest-duck bloggers when you need them?

Given that we really haven't anything to post today, I guess I'll just go ahead and give you my excuse.

I went over to College Station to help out a buddy of mine. We Aggies stick together you know. He needed help moving. Yep, that was a pain in the tailfeathers.

But, I got my reward. We went to the Dixie Chicken. I spent the best years of college here. (Well, really all of my college years. Don't tell my mom.)

If I Had a Few More Dollars

Well, well, well. The Texas Legislature shook loose a raise for us teachers. Finally.

The HUGE sum of $2,000 a year.

That's $166.67 per month.

But, of course, you and I both realize that you don't get to take home that much. Taxes, you know.

I was wondering how much I'd actually see on my bottom line. So, I called an accountant buddy of mine.

He said that if you are a single duck with one withholding allowance, that you'd probably see around $120 to $130 a month or so in your paycheck. Well, I'm a single duck with one (so he tells me) withholding allowance. So, I can expect to see about $120 to $130 a month thanks to this raise.

I think that's just about what Buck Duck drops every month on fancy coffee drinks at Starbuck's.

Well, I guess I shouldn't be ungrateful because it is better than a swift kick in the tailfeathers. More money is better than less. But, I still can't afford to buy a house. Or a new car. Or even a new-to-me car.

But, I promise. I won't spend it all in one place. Or on a month's worth of Starbuck's. No, not me. I'll be practical and use it to pay my electric bill to put gasoline in my car.

Get a Good Dog Boys, It Will Be Your Best Friend

In thinking over what happened this 3rd Called Session of the 79th Texas Legislature, I was reminded of this tombstone that my brother, Dumb Ass Duck, and I saw last summer. I don't know who this Ernest Lee Odiorne was, but he even gives some pretty decent advice from his grave.

In the 1st and 2nd Called Sessions of the 79th Texas Legislature set out to take care of the school and tax issues, and they did everything but. But, yes siree. This time the Lege did it. The third time was a charm. (Well, it really took more tries than that, but this sounds so good.)

They gave teachers a pay raise. They provided a record property tax cut. Everybody loves them. They will be re-elected. They got out of town in 29 days. But, wait! There's more! They even took care of issues other than just the school and tax issues. What a success!

But, wait. There's even more!

According to News 8 Austin, HB 1 will cost $18 billion over the next three years. But the bills that are supposed to pay for that cut only bring in $7.5 billion in revenue, which leaves a deficit of $10.5 billion in three years.

I recommend that they take Mr. Odiorne's advice and get a good dog now. Looks like that dog might be the only friend they have in two years.

The Day After

Well, as you know, it all ended yesterday. For now anyway.

As you might guess, L.D. is indisposed today. He celebrated last night. So, don't expect to hear from him today.

He celebrated the end of the special AND his birthday which was back on May 2. But, we were all too busy to care.

And, I know he saw the Lobby Duck Challenge over at Captiol Annex. (An aside: What the.....?) Last night he mumbled something about it, but I can't remember what.

Like it's goin' out of style

A word on the session about to end.

I just want everybody to remember that these "Republicans" have managed to spend more money than a sorority girl at a Banana Republic during this special session.

This is what we send them down there to do??

And to add insult to injury, they didn't just spend the money on schools, which I can at least swallow. They went hog-wild spending money on a host of other nonsense that Perry added to the call at the last minute.

This is governing?

I knew the last special would involve capitulation, but I didn't realize they'd be capitulating to their own wanton, tax and spend, spend, spend inner children.

-BD

Going Home...

Seems like only yesterday (or last month, the month before or last year) that we dangled off the precipice of ending a school finance special session.

In the past, we were dangling nervously with no plan and no net, but this time is different.

This time, the mofos (to borrow a word) passed something and are gettin' the hell out of dodge.

Good on 'em.

May the wind always be at their back, may their various law practices and other business endeavors thrive and may they stay the hell away from us until, at least, January.

-LD

The House is Stuck in "Idol"

Hi, everybody. Felipe here.

When L.D. asked me to be a guest duck blogger for him, I really didn't follow the Texas Legislature very much. Of course, I knew that this school finance thing was a mess and, more importantly, that I needed a raise. So, I said, "Why not? Sure, it'll be fun. You need a teacher's perspective." And, I thought, I'll more closely follow what they do up there in Austin. I'll watch them on the internet.

So, when I've had a minute or two this week, I've watched the House. Well, I'm a pretty smart duck and all. After all, I am a teacher. But, you know what? I have been horrified with what I've seen. I had no idea. Do they ever work? Seriously. Do they?

There's the minister of the day, and they pray. Then, they recite the pledges to the flags. Then there's the doctor of the day. And, throughout there's the taking of excuses for not being there. Next, all of the introductions of the guests are made. And, it goes on and on and on and on.

Then there are all of the resolutions. Let's not forget those. The fiftieth wedding anniversaries. The queen of whatever. The thanks for being an intern. And, these go on and on and on.

If it took me this long to get down to the business of teaching my students each and every day, these kids would never pass the TAKS test. And, I'd be so fired (well, technically, my contract wouldn't be renewed).

But HR 492 on Tuesday just took the cake. The resolution?

Honoring William John Makar of The Woodlands for his performance on American Idol.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against this kid. Good for him and everything. But, really, here the House is stuck in "idol" while I await my much-needed raise. ¡Dios mío!

Rubber Duckies Around the Capitol

I'm popular! Woo hoo!

This week, the guy over at Capitol Annex gave me a pretty good write-up.

The quote:

"Lobby Duck wonders exactly what the deal is with some witnesses in committee hearings."

And, then compliments:

"(Props, btw, to the Lobby Duck Blogger, who actually places rubber duckies in odd places around the capitol and photographs them. I’m guessing that was done late at night, otherwise Governor Perry probably would have been trying to steal them for his late-night bath)."

And, actually, just in case inquiring minds want to know - the photos weren't done late at night. It seems that nobody really notices a stray rubber duckie or two around the Capitol.

Saint Nick

I finally got around to going to see Thank You for Smoking. I had heard that this movie made fun of lobbyists. So, I hadn't wasted my time seeing it. But, I decided I'd better go see for myself. And, you know what?

I laughed my tailfeathers off! It was really funny! And, I think the movie illustrates what fine people lobbyists really are.

I support my opinion with the following observations from the movie.

First, a lobbyist's first name is "teamwork." I mean, look at how Nick worked together with the MOD squad. These "merchants of death" (representing the tobacco, alcohol, and firearms lobbies) had weekly meetings to share ideas and promote their clients. This is "teamwork" with a capitol "T."

Second, Nick was adaptable. Look at how he so quickly learned the cell phone industry after he lost his gig as a tobacco lobbyist. That guy could spin-doctor anything. On a moment's notice.

Third, Nick was financially responsible. Remember how he explained why he was a lobbyist? He had a mortage to pay. Can't argue with that. And, he did whatever it took to make that payment each and every month.

Fourth, Nick (eventhough he was divorced) was family oriented and a role model to his son. He spent time with his kid - he took the kid to work with him for crying out loud. He went to his kid's school to speak on career day. He even taught the kid how to engage in persuasive argument. "The beauty of argument," Nick says, "is that if you argue correctly, you're never wrong." Now that's a skill worth learning.

And, fifth, Nick was flexible in performing his job duties. He even said so himself. You have to have a“certain moral flexibility” to have my job.

So, you see - a team player, adaptable, financially responsible, family oriented, and flexible. What more could you want?

Oxymoron - A Liar's Affidavit

The Conference Report on HB 4 was voted out Monday. Referred to as the "liar's affidavit," this bill simply insures that a person who buys a used car pays the right amount of sales tax on the transaction. This bill would raise a lot of money for the state.

This seems like a good idea. RIght? Everybody pays their fair share. A lot of money for the state. What's not to like?

I got to thinking about this. I probably thought about it too much. (It doesn't pay to actually think about legislation very hard.)

In it's most basic form, an affidavit is a document that is full of statements that are true and correct. And, a liar doesn't tell the truth.

So, a liar's affidavit, then, would be a document that is full of a liar's statements that are true and correct?

My head hurts just thinking about this, so I just went to have a few beverages. But you know, at least they passed something. Even if it doesn't make sense to me.

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About

What is it with some witnesses at committee hearings anyway?

The other day, I watched this witness testify before a House committee. And, maybe I'm seeing something they don't.

But, he seemed to laugh just a little to loud.

You know the laugh. During his testimony, he had that I'm-laughing-with-you-committee-members-kind-of-laugh. That laugh that signals "I'm just one of the boys - trying to help out you guys who are doing great things for this great state." But, means, "Really, I'm so much smarter than you guys, it hurts me to be here." (Except for the money he makes.)

And, he stared just a little too long.

You know the look. He catches the eye of each one of the members with a meaningful glance. It says, "Mr. Committee Member, you are the only one on the whole Committee smart enough to understand what I'm saying. Thank god you are on this committee." But means, "Really, I hope you can possibly understand anything I'm saying."

And, yes, he seemed to stand just a little too close.

You know how close. After the hearing he went up to the Chairman to "chat." Body language that says, "I know you well enough to be this close and I want everybody in the room to know." But, it really means, "I'm desperate for everybody to think you and I have a personal relationship."

Again, I may be seeing something they don't, but it seems to me this witness is getting paid the big bucks to flirt with the Committee Members. What do you think?

Singularly Bad Day

Okay, now I 'm not happy. Many of you will remember when I had the difficulties last summer purchasing my new cell phone.

Well, as you know, I finally got the phone and signed up with the new provider. And, other than the new phone being rather cool, service was just about as good (or bad) from the new guys as it was from the old guys. You know, they are all about the same.

Until today.

I tried to use my phone just before dinner. And.......nothing happened. I repeat. NOTHING happened.

Now, I'm a patient duck. And everybody has problems now and then. So, I waited and tried again. And.....nothing happened. Again.

So, I went out to dinner. And, I tried AGAIN. Yep, you got it. NOTHING.

So, I had a few beverages. And, I tried yet AGAIN. And, NOTHING.

Well, the whole patient-duck-thing is over. What good is a lobbyist without a cell phone? And, more importantly, how will that cute chick I met be able to call me?

I just called the company. I waited on hold for a while (that, of course, is an understatement).

When the customer service dude finally answered, I said, "My phone hasn't worked for, like, several hours." He said, "Oh, you must live in Texas." Now, I knew that was a bad sign right there.

He goes on, "Pretty much the whole state is out of service right now. We have, like, a thousand people working on it. It's, like, a problem."

Really?

I asked if he could tell me what the problem is. So, he checked and said that the DACS was down. And that it all started in Austin and went from there. To pretty much the entirety of this great state of Texas. And, if it made me feel any better, there were outages in Vegas and Seattle, too. But not nearly as big as Texas. (After all, nothing is.)

Better yet, he doesn't know when they'll get the DACS repaired. But, soon, he hopes. I'll bet he does. I think he must be having a singularly bad day.

Like a Boy or Girl Scout

The other day I was hanging out at the Capitol checking out the rally de jour (and the chicks). When I saw this group of boy scouts.

Two things came to mind. Immediately. Well, really three things.

The first thing - where are the chicks?

The second thing - last May I did a favor and led a group of girl scouts around the Capitol and the Bob Bullock Museum. Oh, the memories of that favor. Never, ever again.

The third (and-the-really-the-point-of-this-post) thing - a while back, I heard about a gig for a lobbyist with an image like a "boy or girl scout."

Really. This is a true story.

Like a boy or girl scout? Now, you can't blame them for wanting this attribute in a lobbyist. I mean, lobbyists have gotten a really bad rap lately.

Consider at Jack (around our reputations) Abramhoff. We've got to make a living (after all, I skipped law school for this). He's not making it any easier - what with all of the making it harder to do lobbying and all because of his poor judgement.

But, seriously, an image LIKE a boy or girl scout? Do we have to take it that far in the other direction?

I mean, if that's the new standard, who worth a damn qualifies for that?

P.S. I hear the position is still available.

Dear God

Poor President Bush.

Approval ratings dropping.

Gasoline prices rising.

And, you thought this guy didn't have a prayer.

WRONG.

Today is the National Day of Prayer. A day set aside to pray for your country's leaders.

God knows this country's leaders can use all the help they can get.

ExMo Feels Your Pain

Well, guess what? Exxon Mobil chairman Rex Tillerson feels your pain. You should feel better already.

ExMo appeared on the Today show this morning. And, he says oil companies do not get together and illegally manipulate oil prices. So, I must conclude that there is a LEGAL way to manipulate oil prices and that they are doing a helluva job at it.

ExMo also says that he understands gas prices are causing difficulties for people.

Please. Difficulties? I repeat, difficulties?

ExMo, you haven't seen difficulties. Try paying for gasoline on a teacher's salary. Now THAT'S a freakin' difficulty.

Soledad O'Brien is Ruining This Country

I don't know which morning show you watch or even if you have a morning show (I used to watch Bewitched reruns in the morning on Nickelodeon that always put me in good stead for the rest of the day), but now I watch (grudgingly) CNN's "American Morning."

The morning show on CNN didn't used to have a formal title. It was just known as "the news." I liked this. I despised the formulaic, ultra-white-teeth gangs on the networks; all that perkiness in the morning made my coffee go down wrong.

But, then 9/11 happened and the Patriot Act mandated that every proper noun in the U.S. be modified by the word, "American" and it became what it is today.

And that's when we were blindsided with the addition of Ms. Soledad O'Brien, who hits just about every demographic just in her person.

In case you haven't watched it, Soledad RUNS the show. She barely lets anyone get a word in edgewise and, this is important, she appears to be an IDIOT. I'm assuming her idol is Katie Couric (isn't that who all the young girls want to be these days) because she's constantly trying to pull off a coy giggle with her male counterparts.

Since Soledad is, apparently, also a huge BITCH (and, trust me, this comes across on camera), the giggle thing doesn't work. Say what I will about the other morning bimbos, at least they all seem fairly pleasant. Soledad looks like she's going to cut your heart out with a bread knife and serve it to the business reporter guy and Miles O'Brien (no, they're not married, he's always reminding viewers--wouldn't you?) who have to play second fiddles to her constant inanity. Her ambition, let it suffice to say, is palpable.

All in all, she's totally obnoxious, ill-suited for her current job and ruining my mornings.

Elizabeth Montgomery was never this much of a problem.

-SD

Woo Hoo - I Made Texas Weekly!

Guess what? I got mentioned in OUT THERE with Robyn Hadley in Texas Weekly (subscription required). In case you don't know Ms. Hadley - she does Capitol Crowd.

Anyway, she noted that I had quacked a complaint about high gasoline prices.

Boycott Felt UP Here, Elsewhere

Well, for once, the Houston Chronicle said it (almost) as well as I could. The topic: reporting on the day of inaction and the boycott to support immigrants. The headline in question: "Boycott Felt Here, Elsewhere."

More like "Boycott Felt UP Here, Elsewhere."

Let me explain. I went South of the Capitol yesterday for lunch. I saw lots of high-school-age kids on the Capitol grounds. Looked to me like it was a perfect opportunity to skip school and feel up your girl friend.

Here is how I imagine the conversation went:

GF: BF, do you support the boycott?

BF: GF, you know, like, I hadn't really given it much thought.

GF: What? This is totally the most important thing happening.

BF: Baby, you know, like....

GF: (interupts BF) I want to go down to the Capitol today to the rally to support the boycott. Will you go with me?

BF: (thinks for less than a second) Sure ,baby. I totally had my head up my tail feathers. Of course this is totally important. We can, like, make a difference if we go. What time? I'm totally there.

BF: (thinks to himself) I don't give a duck's tailfeathers about this rally and boycott. But, skip school and get a chance to feel up GF? Damn right I'll go. And, what a no-brainer that is.

Si se puede, indeed.

Pushed to the edge

I am holding my breath until the Senate promises to play nice with the House, pass something and leave town.

-LD

Up Next, Kevin Costner Takes Bold Stand Against Premature Baldness

I noticed Felipe is doing a lot of navel-gazing over this whole immigration protest today.

I just wanna say, hey, thanks for coming to work with the rest of us.

And, don't worry about having to take part in any protests anymore. We've got the celebrity circuit to take care of it for us.

Haven't you heard? Brangelina's gonna save one half of the world and George Clooney's gonna liberate the other half.

Why, I feel more secure and self-actualized already.

You know Bono's gotta be pissed off...didn't he once have the corner on the Pop-Star-With-A-Messiah-Complex gig?

A Day Without Felipe

Being a first-generation Mexican-American, I momentarily considered staying home today to protest whatever it is I'm supposed to be protesting in regard to immigration policy in the U.S.

In case you are not familiar with the anti and pro-immigration movements currently getting all kinds of attention in this country (and, if this is the case, I must ask if you are illiterate and/or not in possession of a t.v. or if you are somehow house-bound without the use of any of your faculties, in which case, I apologize because you obviously have bigger problems than illegal immigration), today is the day when immigrants (I'm unclear as to which ones--all of them, only those who are illegal, me?) are to stay home and not purchase anything.

This is expected to result in everybody else realizing what a significant contribution immigrants make in this country and how tragic it would be if they all got sent home.

Now, as I mentioned, I'm a teacher in Texas, so the idea of staying home and not buying anything is nothing new to me, there not being a whole lot of money to spare, if you catch me.

But I did have something of a moral dilemma this morning as I thought perhaps I should show some type of solidarity with my people. I've got friends who are staying home. But they have all this riteous indignation.

First off, I couldn't figure out who my people are. So, there's a big dilemma right there.
Secondly, I really wanted to stay in bed and not go to work and chalk it up as my moral duty to my people, but I've already established that "my people" as a concept is kinda meaningless to me and I have to think that staying home and sleeping late is not really what the organizers had in mind.

Thirdly, and this is just me, a bunch of illegal and legal immigrants staying home from work not contributing to the economy of this country in myriad ways is not really an effective tool to demonstrate how useful we are.

So, I'm going to work.

Maybe I'll take tomorrow off.

Less pressure.